Thursday, January 19, 2006

Word-Quibbling

It's a meadow full of enticements these days, possible post subjects all around. First you must overcome the Ferdinand syndrome, then, once on feet (or foot, twirling!), select one or more fleurs-of-interest.

Tonight it is a more benign subject than usual. somewhere in the universe orbited by innocence, naivete, and, alas, marketing (i.e., greed). My original inspiration here turned up late last week. I shared that original, from the NYT, with one chum and thought nothing more of it. Monday morning at work I had an encounter in the coffee room that suddenly rang a bell. I've been twisted ever since whether to sit on this and collect more examples, more or less certain to come. I'm going with what I've got.

On Friday the 13th (sort of an anti-April Fool's Day if you ask me) the NY Times had an article entitled "Come October, Baby Will Make 300 Million or So." Alas, I now find that for some reason what used to be a reliable resource of record (ok, giving credit, for a number of years a generous resource, with pretty much all of their material available on-line for free) has chosen to include that article in their "pay-only" category. But you can find it with a wily word choice and decent search engine (I just did).

Here's the line that got my attention:

If the experts are right, some time this month, perhaps somewhere in the suburban South or West, a couple, most likely white Anglo-Saxon Protestants or Hispanic, will conceive a baby who, when born in October, will become the 300 millionth American.

Wow! 300 million! Next October! I want to say amazing but really on further thought think appalling. The article itself fortunately tiptoes around anything like a celebratory mood. Unfortunately it also fails to state the obvious - we have too many people on the earth and in this country, why is it that there is so much organized opposition to proper birth planning and birth control? And thank you, Planned Parenthood for all you do!

But having made my pitch, here is my original point. "Perhaps in the suburban South or West"?? Sorry to go logical on you - reality's charms are rarely appreciated in this age, but when was it determined that births in October would be encouraged to occur in the suburban South or West? It sounds like something King Herod would have decreed: get thy pregnant women to the suburban South or West! No later than Halloween!!

Presumably somewhere way back in the chain of communications there is some actual thinking that suggests that those mentioned areas are the most "fertile" in the country. Even so, it annoys me to be fed this sort of anti-thinking crap by what was formerly reputed to be a resource that involved actual educated, intelligent staff. The original article limns some fascinatingly whacky historical details when prior equally arbitrary population milestones were met.

I'd bet we could do a lot better by putting it in other terms. Something like: there is a 60% chance the 300-millionth American will appear in the sub-South or West. That is to say, throughout October (the projected month of the numero-celebrity) my expectation is that there will also be births in North Dakota, say, and the occasional immigrant who appears in Maine.

And that was only the geographical aspect of the quote. "White Anglo-Saxon Protestants or Hispanic," huh?

You're still breathless though I can tell for closure on the coffee room. Maybe this is a connection only I would make (wow! I might be unique! or at least strange). I drink my java strong and black. But there's all this other crappola lying around, you understand, for the folks that drink it but don't really like the taste. Including a no-calorie "sweetener" that brags that it is "made from sugar so it tastes like sugar." Double stop.

While I have a few chemistry classes in my distant past, I don't think you need to know much chemistry to see where I am going with this. Being "made from sugar" says little about the taste. Sugar, like any other semi-complex organic compound, can be converted into any manner of other chemicals. Being "made from sugar" doesn't preclude the possibility that the dust enclosed in this little envelope is a listed intoxicant - or even a poison. Why not "made from crude oil so it tastes likes sugar"?

Your homework is to find the connection there.

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